


Florence Nightingale Has Nothing on the Devil

by Kymera219



Series: An Exorcist and a Miracle Walk into the Devil's Bar [5]
Category: Constantine (TV), Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Dan has no luck with pudding, F/M, Luci the nursemaid, M/M, Multi, Protective Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Sick Character, Sickfic, Vomiting, hexes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:27:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24248773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kymera219/pseuds/Kymera219
Summary: Chloe's away, leaving Lucifer to take care of a sick John
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, John Constantine/Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), John Constantine/Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV)
Series: An Exorcist and a Miracle Walk into the Devil's Bar [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1704097
Comments: 7
Kudos: 80





	Florence Nightingale Has Nothing on the Devil

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tricky_Arrow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tricky_Arrow/gifts), [Kara_Foster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kara_Foster/gifts), [thepoisonofgod](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepoisonofgod/gifts), [katya1828](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katya1828/gifts).



"Master of the Dark Arts...but you couldn't conquer the flu?".

"Oh can it, Luci," John grumbled ," besides it's petty dabbler!".

"Well, Darling, you just dabbled yourself into a day in bed, being tended to by yours truly ".

"Ugh," John leaned against the pillows with a grimace, " Can't Chloe do it?".

"The Detective is at one of those dreadful police conferences this weekend, along with the Douche".

"I feel even worse knowing she's stuck with that guy".

"Yes well, I'm sure he'll behave after that last jinx you put on him," Lucifer said with a smirk, " how did you get so much blue glitter in those pudding cups?".

"I have my ways,luv" John said before he clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Well your ways are about to get all over the Egyptian cotton....here's the bucket".

All the contents of John's stomach immediately made their exit no sooner than the container had been given to him. Lucifer sat next to him, rubbing soothing circles on his back while he hurled.

"There,there, Darling, you'll be alright soon".

John leaned back against his boyfriend, breathless from the exertion of vomiting. "I'll take your word for it, Luci".

Lucifer chuckled before giving him a kiss on the cheek and helping him to lay back down. Once John was settled, he took the bucket and rinsed it out in the bathroom. He didn't feel comfortable leaving the other man alone, so he texted Maze to pick up Trixie from the urchin containment facility.

****************

While waiting on them to get home, his phone rang. He smiled when he saw the caller ID.

"Hello, Detective!".

"Hey Babe," Chloe's tinny voice sounded over the phone, "How's John doing?".

"Still quite peaked, I'm afraid".

"Damn, I wish I could be there," she said frustrated," I hate being away from him while he's sick".

"What about me?" Lucifer huffed.

"You don't get illnesses..."

"Well, Detective, there's always a first time," he protested," For all you know, I could be completely overrun with consta-cooties".

The uncontrollable laughter that followed, was not the response Lucifer hoped he would get.

Chloe tried to calm herself down, so her drama queen lover wouldn't get too offended. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she weezed," you know I miss you too".

"Well I should hope so, love. Anyways how is the conference? Daniel being as douchey as ever?".

"It's okay, just....really boring. Dan's behaving so far, aside from whining about all the glitter in his pudding cups ".

Lucifer snickered as he remembered the hex John cast last week. "Is it still blue glitter?".

"Oh it's more than just blue, in a fit to find one cup that wasn't tampered with, he ended up with an entire rainbow of glitter in his hotel room. It seriously looked like a unicorn threw up in there!".

The sounds of retching interrupted their musing at Dan's predicament. 

"Gotta go, Darling, it seems as though Johnny's exorcising the demons again ".

"Alright, tell John I love him and I'll be home tomorrow," she told him," I love you,too Lucifer".

"And I you, Detective".

*********************

Once she hung up the phone, Chloe grabbed her own pudding cup out of the mini fridge. Since the spell only activated when Dan opened the containers, she didn't have to worry about random sparkles exploding.

Speaking of Dan, he'd chosen that exact moment to waltz into her room like he owned the place. Chloe rolled her eyes and continued eating her treat.

"Hey Chlo, did you take notes from the last presentation....is that pudding?!".

"Yeah," she gestured towards the mini fridge, " help yourself".

"Thanks! It's been so hard to find pudding with all the tampered packages recently".

He grabbed one of the cups and eagerly pulled back the foil....and got shot in the face with bright, red glitter.

"DAMMIT!!!"

******************

John was a little groggy when Lucifer came back into the bedroom. 

"Who was on the phone, Luci?".

"Oh, it was the Detective, she wanted to check on you," he said cheerfully, his smile getting even wider as he looked at the phone, " she's even sent us some humorous material!".

He showed John the text, which was a picture of Dan completely covered in red glitter.

"Jinxing that douche's pudding is still the best spell work I've ever done".

"I quite agree, Johnny," Lucifer gave him an evil grin, " as soon as your well, we should hex his improv shows".

"Those things are so bloody awful that I think a hexing might actually be an improvement!".

"Touche, love, Touche".

******************

Around mid-afternoon, the elevator dinged, and Trixie ran out, followed by Maze. 

"How's the sicksorcist?" 

"Asleep at the moment," Lucifer said as he downed the drink in his hand, " I never knew a human could have so much projectile in them!".

"Then you haven't seen Decker on dollar margarita night," Maze smirked. 

While they talked, Trixie snuck into the bedroom and crawled up beside John, who peered at her sleepily.

"Hi Daddy John, are you feeling better?" She whispered. 

"I'll be right as rain in no time, Pixie. What have you got there?".

"We had to draw our family in school today," Trixie said as she pointed out the different people on the paper, " There's me, mommy, you, daddy Lucifer, and Maze!".

"What's that blob of glitter in the corner?".

"That's Dad after opening one of his puddings" she snickered.

John would have laughed too if his stomach hadn't been hurting so much.

"You've got a good eye for art, pixie".

"That she does,"Lucifer drawled," Come on urchin, I've got your dinner ready...and as for you, Johnny,here we are".

Lucifer sat a ginger ale and some crackers on the nightstand. John gave him a grateful smile as he ushered Trixie out of the room.

*******************

By the time Chloe arrived at the penthouse the next morning, John's fever had broken and he finally stopped throwing up. He woke up to see his girlfriend sitting down on the bed, and pulled himself up, careful not to disturb the archangel snoring on the other side.

"I am so glad to see you, luv"

"I'm glad to see you too," Chloe smiled," Lucifer wasn't too bad of a caretaker, was he?".

"Well, he did make me sit through an entire marathon of Bones".

"Oof, glad I missed that part".

"I'll have you know that Bones is a mastery of modern cinema," a gruff voice said from behind them," and you two are lucky I love you both, or I would be very offended right now".

"Whatever you say, Luci" John told him while Chloe tried to hold back a chuckle, which soon turned into a yawn.

"Why don't you lay down for a spell, Detective?".

"I second that,luv" John agreed as he snuggled back into the covers.

"Okay," Chloe yawned as she crawled into John's embrace, " but I want wing cuddles".

Lucifer laughed and spread his wings across his loves, then joined them in their slumber.


End file.
